I am a Free Woman

I am a Free Woman!!!!
I made it through the entire summer and the children are back in school! Now all I have to do is make it through the birthdays in September and I am home free! Wooo hoo!
This week is my relaxation week.. Do nothing! Today I plan on watching two girlie movies while the boys are at school and pampering myself.
I have so many plans for this school year: Take advantage of my gym membership, Get creative, join an art group that meets on Wednesdays from 9 till 3, therapy with a wonderful woman who looks like a hippy and really seems to be in tune with what she does (we are going to work on relaxation techniques) Alexanders speech and communication board, being part of his school almost like a room mother and planning special activities for the class. I am sure there is more. Im quite stoked about it!
I have really been doing some interesting entries in my Guerrilla Journal. Working on really covering the pages and trying different techniques that I have read about. My camera battery died so I havent been able to take some pictures to up-load.
My head dr gave me prescriptions for 3 months. That means I am doing really well. I am determined for it to stay that way!
I absolutely love reading the artistic blogs by the multi media artists. Wonderful and Positive!

Appointments & Guilt

I havent written anything in awhile so I felt like I needed to sit down and put some thoughts on "paper". Actually I havent been doing much of anything. I did clean the house yesterday. I try to get that done every monday because the weekends tend to make the house look like the tasmanian devil came through. Creatively I have let myself slip.
This week is very busy with Alexanders appointments. One everyday this week starting with today, Speech and Ot. He sreams the entire time he is in the back and most of the other parents coming in make comments along these lines, "sounds like they are killing a child back there." I smile and tell them its my son to make sure that there are no derogatory remarks that follow. I dont care if they say something when I cant hear it. I just dont want to be privy them. I was called into the back by the speech therapist. She is using a picture communication system with him and if he has any hope of being able to communicate with him he needs the same system at home. I've known this for a while and the guilt of not making it happen is huge. Ill I have to do is go around and make pictures of everything in his life. Sounds simple enough. In fact the creative person in me should relish such a project. I don't. It seems so daunting. They also want me to take Brynmor out of school to bring him to speech and I have to say up front .. that's not happening. No no no No!
After speech we went to Toys R Us. Osric purchased a power miner lego with his allowance (I got suckered into paying the tax). I bought Alexander a Mr. Potato Head. I think we can do some great activities with him. Not to mention its always fun to have his arm sticking out of his ear and his hat in his mouth! Then off to Sams for Pizza. Alexander was "all done" as soon as we got there. We did manage to get him to eat some of his pizza but he really wasn't interested and Osric and I ended up having to devour ours on the fly. He screamed all the way home because we didn't go to the "ta-da" which means book store.
My head has been in a state of confusion. I try to focus on one thing and it jumps to another. Never landing on anything long enough to complete it. I cant read. I read the same paragraph over and over trying to absorb it and just end up getting frustrated. Normally this means that there is something wrong with the mood stabilizer.
When Alexanders helper gets here I hope to do something productive. I'm at a loss for what I could accomplish even though the list is long.

Excited and Inspired

I am so excited! I bought a new book about extreme journaling online and it is coming today! Yehhhh! I just finished reading one called Journal Revolution. It is interesting to see someone else's style and know that yours is completely different. Obviously there is no bad journaling. Capturing life in the moment, but there is a difference between journaling and scrapbooking. This book tried to blur the lines and it felt like they lost a lot of emotion in the process. I did learn some really cool techniques though! Photo booth pictures created with regular cameras, Now this was cool! They also suggested taking your camera everywhere. Something that I used to do but have long since replaced it with to do lists and money. I want to get back to finding entertainment within myself instead of using cash. Everyday moments that inspire me. When I look for them I see them in so many places. Architecture of different houses is really grabbing me right now. The houses in downtown are so wonderful. Built with charm and character. Anything built before 1950. My house is functional. Meets the needs I have. Open I can see the children in every direction. Perfect for this moment in my life.. but it doesn't speak to me. Trying to make it more of a representation of me.
Going downtown allows me to dream.

Madness takes Shape

I really love this journal entry. I had a lot of pent up anger and anxiety and I just let it flow onto the page. The day had been especially long with the children and I needed to escape. This is the first time I have used this method to release myself. It was wonderful! The red and yellow discribe the burning feeling in my chest and the duct tape is so perfect. It repersents the feeling of being bound. The black lines are trapping the madness in the book. I let it go and emerged from my personal hell. A fresh soul ~ purged!