Appointments & Guilt

I havent written anything in awhile so I felt like I needed to sit down and put some thoughts on "paper". Actually I havent been doing much of anything. I did clean the house yesterday. I try to get that done every monday because the weekends tend to make the house look like the tasmanian devil came through. Creatively I have let myself slip.
This week is very busy with Alexanders appointments. One everyday this week starting with today, Speech and Ot. He sreams the entire time he is in the back and most of the other parents coming in make comments along these lines, "sounds like they are killing a child back there." I smile and tell them its my son to make sure that there are no derogatory remarks that follow. I dont care if they say something when I cant hear it. I just dont want to be privy them. I was called into the back by the speech therapist. She is using a picture communication system with him and if he has any hope of being able to communicate with him he needs the same system at home. I've known this for a while and the guilt of not making it happen is huge. Ill I have to do is go around and make pictures of everything in his life. Sounds simple enough. In fact the creative person in me should relish such a project. I don't. It seems so daunting. They also want me to take Brynmor out of school to bring him to speech and I have to say up front .. that's not happening. No no no No!
After speech we went to Toys R Us. Osric purchased a power miner lego with his allowance (I got suckered into paying the tax). I bought Alexander a Mr. Potato Head. I think we can do some great activities with him. Not to mention its always fun to have his arm sticking out of his ear and his hat in his mouth! Then off to Sams for Pizza. Alexander was "all done" as soon as we got there. We did manage to get him to eat some of his pizza but he really wasn't interested and Osric and I ended up having to devour ours on the fly. He screamed all the way home because we didn't go to the "ta-da" which means book store.
My head has been in a state of confusion. I try to focus on one thing and it jumps to another. Never landing on anything long enough to complete it. I cant read. I read the same paragraph over and over trying to absorb it and just end up getting frustrated. Normally this means that there is something wrong with the mood stabilizer.
When Alexanders helper gets here I hope to do something productive. I'm at a loss for what I could accomplish even though the list is long.