One Week Later

I feel impotent. Day into day bleeding together, yet unable to stop the feelings of helplessness. I have fought for my son, and there is no one else to fight for him- to give his life potential. I see everything around me- feel everything- but I am unable to do anything. "Don't say anything unless you are willing to do it." Those are the words that have been uttered to me in anger. They ring true over and over in my head going round and round until I feel sick with dizziness. I can do nothing. Even the basic necessities of self care seem to be beyond my reach. I am in pain. I feel guilt. I am frozen in a feeling of hatred. I abhor the very essence of society. I want no part of humanity, or lack there of. Pretending is no longer an option. I want the thoughts to be obliterated. I need to feel the heavy burden of rumination relieved. I've swallowed the pills for one for seven days; and today on the eighth, I swallowed two. I feel no relief. Only a weight bearing down on my heart and my head. Only the repetition of others deception and my own impotence. The question- What do I do? Did I finally break? Is it the medication? If so, how much time do I have to endure this pain before they consider this a sufficient trial? Alone- and yet my mind is haunted. I suffer!